HEADLINE: JOLI SPEAKS OUT AGAINST THE RECENT ATTACKS AGAINST HER PARENTS!
The following is an excerpt from a recent interview that 20/20 did with Ms. Joli Irene Talusan Vega. It concerns the recent allegations that her parents have "dropped the ball" in regards to her website.

BARBARA WALTERS: You claim your parents haven't mishandled your website, Joli. Then why is it that your site has gone so long without an update?

JOLI VEGA: It's really very simple, Barbara. I have a very busy schedule and my parents simply aren't able to keep up with me. Of course, this makes it very difficult to keep an up-to-date photojournal of me.

BW: I see. Well, what is it that keeps you so busy these days?

JV: Well, aside from all the charity work I do, I spend a considerable amount of time in meetings with business associates. I also spend a lot of the day at my desk, responding to fan mail. When I'm not doing all of that, I try to catch a little bit of sleep. A girl needs her beauty rest, Barbara!

BW: (laughing) Don't I know it, sister! But seriously, many members of your family have been very vocal about the website's current state. What would you say to them if they were here?

JV: Chill.

BW: Strong words, indeed. And what of the recent boycott threats made by your nefarious Uncle Pedro? What would you say to that?

JV: Threats? THREATS?! You call those threats? Barbara, please, I have a whole diaper full of "threats" for my Uncle Pedro (why is he smelling his finger?). He can stop by and pick them up any time.

BW: Er... I see. Well, since we're on the topic, your fans have begun to wonder exactly when they can expect to hear that you've graduated to a "potty"?

JV: No comment.

BW: Well, what about the rumors that you infrequently soil your bathtub?

JV: This interview is over.

Joli became very emotional at this point and stormed out of the studio.