Evan's First EUA

Evan had his first exam under anesthesia yesterday and did great! He got the all-clear from Dr. Mukai. It was tough trying to get him to have his last drink at 2am, and he was fully starving by the time he had to go under anesthesia at 7:30am. As expected, he charmed the heck out of all the nurses with his big old smile an big eyes!

What I didn't expect was for me to experience anxiety this time around. Usually, we do our EUA's on the "surgery center waiting room" - it's a room the size of my kitchen, very informal, very friendly. The recovery room is tiny, and it's very easy to go in-and-out to each part of the operating room/recovery/waiting room. That is the "S" floor.

Well, that morning, I went to the "S" floor to check in -- like I've done all of the dozen or so times -- and was told that I had to take Evan to the "10th floor." Really? I've never been to the 10th floor. Why would we need to go there?

I went into the elevator, pushed "10" and waited, expecting a new adventure. The doors

opened, and I nearly passed out..... this was the floor where we brought Joli to have her enucleation. And, I had not been back to that floor since August 18, 2005.

I waited by the front desk as other patients were checking in. I saw the same woman -- who had a prosthetic eye -- take insurance cards and check ID's. I looked to my left and saw the room that my entire family waited in while Joli was in surgery. I had to tell myself to 'breathe.'

Once I checked in, I walked the long hallway - to the room where Grace, Alonzo, Jorge, and I ate bagels and drank coffee. I stood in the corner of the hallway where I called friends in Long Island, whispering the words, "Joli has cancer. She is in surgery now."

I've dealt with Joli's journey through speaking engagements, fundraising, and class lectures, yet I never realized how the emotions would come flooding back when I entered the 10th floor.

Evan's name was called to go to the OR, and I carried him - like I carried Joli - down the elevator. The same elevator closed behind me, the same doors that closed when Jorge fainted and fell into his father's arms.

I went downstairs to the operating room, sat in the same chair I rocked Joli in just after he enucleation.

Thankfully, it didn't last long. Evan and I were at the hospital by 6:00am and out by 9:15am. I think it was good to go down that road again, since being on that floor was such a blur on August 18, 2005. But, I'd be just fine not going back there again...!