THE GREAT ESCAPE-Part II: "The Waiting Game"

Patience has never really been my strong suit. I don't think Liza enjoys waiting either. I think Joli's viewpoints on waiting are obvious. It's a unanimous opinion in our house... waiting sucks.

So, after things went SPLOOSH, we called the doctor.

"If this is an emergency," the automated service chimed, "Please press 'one' one your keypad."

Kind of obvious this is an emergency... BLIP (that's me pressing 'one')

"Please hold and someone will assist you in a moment."

Well, that's nice.

Then the ringing began.

It rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang and rang... in my head I started reviewing the birthing process we'd learned at Lamaze class-- ya know, you might end up delivering this baby if no one picks up the phone.

See what waiting does? It generates panic.

In the end, it turned out I was dialing the wrong number. Please keep the snickering to a minimum. The doctor on the other end told us to head for the hospital-- "Though it's very unlikely that their going to admit you since you're not experiencing contractions."

To the Batmobile... a 1999 Hyundai Accent-- Please keep the snickering to a minimum.

Liza drove us to the hospital. It was probably a good idea since I was having difficulty thinking coherently.

When we arrived were introduced to what could possibly be the most hellish place in existence for people with little patience... the waiting room. Oh, did we wait... TWO AND A HALF HOURS!! The best part is that when they finally allowed us into the Labor & Delivery ward they made us wait almost ANOTHER HOUR before putting Liza in a room.

Apparently most of Long Island has decided to give birth that evening/morning.

"Well," I said to Liza. "At least we're going to finally see a doctor. They'll check you out, tell us to come back in a couple of hours and send us home."

The doctor walked in right then, checked Liza and said "Yeah, the baby's on the way. It's going to be a while, so get comfortable and be prepared to--

WAITWAITWAITWAITWAITWAITWAIT."

The echo was just for effect.