Some days are easy.... some days are not
(if you don't want to hear the ugly side of treatment, please don't read this!)

Okay, well, usually Jorge and I only post good stuff because only GOOD STUFF has been happening to us. But, I do think, if this is a true "documentation of Joli" we need to include some of the not-so-great-moments. So, if you don't want to read it, you don't have to. I just thought in all fairness to her, and to record keeping, I should post this.

The past few days post-chemo (and even during chemo) have probably been the hardest since we started this whole journey. As I wrote a few days ago, Joli caught a viral infection while undergoing chemotherapy. So, she's been really bummed out from chemo and now has to battle this illness. I gotta tell you, there is nothing more difficult than to see your child in excrutiating pain -- and know that you can't do anything to take it away. We've been through this a few times -- when she lost her eye, when she had to go through surgery and chemo in September, etc. But, for some reason, I think this is really tugging on Jorge and me more than usual. I also think we're so tired, so exhausted, and feeling like we've had enough of seeing her hurt so badly. But, then again, Jorge and I are only hurting emotionally... it's our brave, strong, amazing, beautiful Joli who is in pain physically.

So, lots of it is related to poop. Yup. Poop. One of her chemo drugs makes her constipated, and coupled with not eating and drinking because of her RSV, Joli is in pain. All we can do is watch her cry, scream, and yell "Why, Mommy!! Why, Daddy!! I'm scared!! I'm sad!! It hurts!!" And, we do our best to just hold it together.... What really hurts us (again, emotionally... it's nothing compared to what she goes through physically) is when she looks at us and says "I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! I'm so sorry! It's my fault!!"

Joli, I know somewhere down the road, you're going to read this, so I'm going to write this in for you now. It's not your fault. None of this is your fault. We're so sorry you have to go through this, and Daddy and I hope we can be as strong as you are being right now at the age of 2 years old. We're both so sorry you are in pain. We are both so sorry it hurts right now. We love you tremendously. We love you, honestly, more than we love our selves. I know Daddy and I would trade places with you if we could. Yet, I know neither one of us could deal with what you go through even for a second. You are so much stronger than us. You are so much braver than us. And, we love you.

For everyone else reading this (and, Joli... it'll be cool for you to see just how many people read this, follow what's going on in your life, and LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU!!), please pray for a speedy recovery for Joli.

Thanks,
liza and jorge